The Tantrums

After the first year, we began to see more and more behavior issues with my new step-daughter. At first glance, one would think, "OK, terrible two's. We can deal with this" . After all, I am the mother to three other children. Ive been through the terrible two's before. It's all a stage.

Communication with her biological mom was not good. It never had been. To give a brief history, she has her own issues. Violent outbursts, and such. She had attacked my husband a time or two while they were married, and even after they were separated. She spent three days in jail for one incident. She would just blow up, and you definitely didn't want to be around. She was known to hit, kick , pinch, bite, slap, throw things, and yell and scream. They had not had a calm relationship. Hence the reason for the divorce. We had voiced our concerns at one point to Social Services. They talked to her, but nothing ever came of it. To keep things calm, we just kept trudging along with the visitation the way it was. Routine, we thought would be the best thing for my step-daughter. And facilitating communication, that was my job. My husband found it impossible to talk with the biological mother. Everything was blown out of proportion, and turned into an argument. Making our lives more difficult. So, I agreed to be the middle man.

Potty training and bottle breaking were a struggle. Every time, we made a break through on that front, we would have to send her back to her biological mother. When she came back to us, everything we worked on with her the week before would be undone. We went through months of this. Finally I came up with a plan. Stickers and treats! Every kid loves them. We created a board, a sticker board. We placed it in the bathroom along with a basket of stickers and treats. Every time she went to the bathroom on her own, she placed a sticker on the board and got a treat. With in two weeks, the diapers and pull ups were gone.

Still, the tantrums remained. They were getting more and more violent. Throwing items, kicking, screaming, (and I don't mean like a baby screaming) I'm talking about a blood curdling, someone is killing me scream. We dealt with it. It was stressful. At this point, my husband is still working his long hour job and I am home with the kids. There were times I didn't think I would make it through the day. Time outs didn't work. So I just let her scream. And she wouldn't wear herself out. It would go on for hours and hours at a time.

Then, the tantrums turned physical. My own daughter is actually four years older than my step daughter. My daughter suffers from Noonan Syndrome. A genetic condition that makes her size much smaller than normal, and many health issues. She was in essence the same size as my step-daughter who was four years younger. My step-daughter had no problem turning on my daughter. Hitting, biting, pinching, kicking. As she got older, she began doing those things to me. And I would just take it. I would holler, and I would scream at her, but I never touched her. She would draw blood. I would just sit her in a chair, and at my wits end, the next thing I knew I was screaming at her. "Why do you do this!" "What is wrong with you!" I could feel it, I was beginning to resent her. And I didn't like the feeling at all. I was suffocating. I felt I couldn't control myself much longer with out help. My husband didn't know what to do. With four children to support, he couldn't be home much, and it started to strain our relationship. I didn't know where things were going to go from there. I felt totally alone.