School Begins

As the summer was half over, it had still not been decided where my step daughter would attend school. You see, as I stated earlier, my husband found it impossible to communicate with his ex. Every time he tried to bring the subject up, it ended in an impossible fight. We tried coming up with ideas on our own. She agreed at first, she didn't want attorneys involved either. That was a waste of time, and they should be able to agree on something with out attorneys. Every idea we brought to the table was shot down. Finally, we met with her one day, after giving her some ideas on paper for visitation and school scheduling. She was smooth, we met in a public place, a restaurant and ordered drinks. We talked first about my step daughter and how she was doing. Then we moved to ideas. Then, she brings out a folder and says, that she had an attorney look at it. We were in shock. How dumb could we have been to take her word for the fact that she did not want to involve attorneys. How stupid to think that we could all work this out, like adults, to do what is in the best interest of the child. We could never have been more wrong. What a burn.

We took the paperwork home and looked it over. It was fair for the most part. Except for the fact that my husband wanted desperately to have his daughter go to school where we were living, not where his ex was living. He could recall that she had at one time even stated she did not want her child going to school there. And now here she was, asking him to let his daughter go there.

The argument went on right up to the point of school starting. Finally I was the one who was pushy. I said to my husband, I know you don't want her to. But in her best interest, you guys haven't agreed on anything. We should sign and agree and just move on with it. Things can always change in the future. He really didn't want to agree, but for my sake he did. And trust me, I knew he wasn't happy about it.

So Kindergarten started, and as we knew what to expect, letters of misbehavior starting going home to her biological mother. One day she wouldn't listen and be defiant, and the next she was throwing rocks at windows. We were working on counseling in our home, with my husband and I, but we had no individual counselor for our step daughter. Our county wouldn't take her because she went to school in a different county. Our local counselors wouldn't take assistance. Which is what we had been on for a while since my husband had been laid off. We felt we were banging our heads on a wall trying to talk with his ex about it. She would say that yes she agreed and she would try to find a counselor, but it never happened.

It got to a point where my husband would have to sit with his daughter on the floor, with her on his lap, and cross her arms. To keep her from hurting us or herself. She would throw anything she could find, with perfect accuracy. Right at our heads. It did not matter what, if it was in her reach, it could be thrown. She would bite me, scratch me, hit and punch. She would do the same to her dad, but not as hard of course. She would start calling me names. Then, the one thing that made us decide enough was enough. She wanted me dead, and my head cut off. And if I was dead and her step daddy were dead, then her mommy and daddy could be together. We were in shock to say the least.

We confronted her biological mother. And of course, she looked at us blankly like she didn't know what we were talking about. My husband finally told her, that he would find a counselor and he would take her, and she couldn't do anything about it.

We found a counselor in a different town that would take assistance, and worked closely with Phsycitrists. It looked that maybe there was a little spark of hope.

She has gone 3 times now. The first time she went, My husband , I and her biological mom all went for the initial interview. Everyone was cordial, but it was tense. Between the first time and the second time there was an incident. It changed the way I decided to deal with things from here on out.

I was home alone with my step daughter. My husband is taking classes and is gone on Saturdays, so I'm left to fend for myself most of the time. Usually, my step daughter is OK, if she's doing things that SHE herself wants to do. If you ask her to do something, watch out. I made the mistake. She got very defiant, and said to me that I was not her mom. I said, I know that's fine, but please still do what I ask. She then started throwing things. OK, Time out time. But, I was alone, just her and I. No witness to what was about to happen. She refused to go to the time out chair. So I picked her up, and set her in the chair, and told her that once she was quiet for 6 minutes, she could get off and go about her day. She said to me, " I don't have to listen to you, you fat bitch." Now, this was not the first time she had called me that. My husband had heard her say that before. That was it for me! I reached over and smacked her lips with my open hand. Not hard, but enough to get her attention. I told her that she was NEVER allowed to talk that way in this house. After a period of time, she finished her time out, said she was sorry, and the day went on. My husband came home, she greeted him, and it was just like nothing had ever happened. Until the following Wednesday when I got phone call from our local police department.

My step daughter had apparently went home on Sunday, and the first thing she said was that I had hit her. So her mother went directly to the police. I was told by the officer, that even though it was just a little slap, by law, I could not touch her. She was my step daughter. I decided then, I was for one, completely done with her biological mother. I was no longer going to be the middle man. They could do it themselves. And number two, I was never going to be alone with my step daughter again. I had put my self in these positions, and it was time to take control, and not give them what they wanted anymore.

So, the second counseling appointment, my husband went alone and met his ex. I did not go. And although things were tense they survived. But the counselor apparently spent more time being a middle man for them than counseling my step daughter, so it was decided they would take turns taking her to the counselor. Today is the third visit, and her biological mom is taking her. I would love to be a fly on the wall at that visit today. It bothers me to know shes bad mouthing me every chance she gets to a little girl. But I have to let it not show, and be the bigger person. What a challenge that is.

Some days, this ride makes me so sick to my stomach I don't want to get back on.